I remember back in 2012 when I went through my divorce, I really had a big issue with my confidence. So many things came together at once that shredded my confidence zone, and let me question so many things about myself. Am I good enough for having a relationship? What are my real values? What makes me happy? How am I ever going to find a new woman in my life?

You know, the regular thing most people ask themselves in such a situation…

So I asked the one and only modern Oracle that knows the answer to all: “Google, how do I seduce a woman?”

And this world opened up for me I had no clue even existed. Dating coaches, day-game, night-game, pick-up artists, routines, it was overwhelming. But I was amazed that people taught others how that works.

Wait, you can learn that stuff?

Long story short, after about a year or so, of studying and practicing (and failing a lot), I did master this art and started working as a dating coach myself. Me! The 40-year-old divorced guy. Who never heard of ‘game’ 2 years prior to that.

So what do you think had happened with my level of confidence?

Of course, it was higher than ever. In this area it was.

You see, confidence is a funny thing.

When you’re good at something, you are confident in that area. Because you know you can handle it. You know you won’t screw this up. And even if you would screw yourself up, you would be okay with it, because, well, you know this shit.

Aha! So if you’re in your comfort zone in a specific area, it also means you are confident in that area.

So, in that case, the formula for confidence is easy. Become good in a lot of things, so you have a comfort zone of many areas, and you’ll be the most confident man (or woman of course) there is.

But is it really that simple?

Well, yes, it’s that simple, but not also easy.

There are a lot of different layers there. Areas that will impact your life more, or impact it less.

I am not good with plants. My plants all die. And I don’t care. Because I don’t feel it is important to be ‘good with plants’. I’ll buy a new one.

And since I don’t care I’m not good with plants, I don’t feel insecure too in that area. I just don’t care.

You see, Caring is a big thing in this matter. I DID care about the fact I had no clue how to attract women, so I felt insecure in that area. Until that insecurity was taken away by my knowledge and experience.

So to overcome this, do these 3 things:

Step 1: Write down what makes you insecure.

Write them down on a list and take a close look at all these things. How much do you CARE about each individual item?

Step 2: Decide how important they are

If you don’t care, strike it through. Accept you’re not good at it, and since you don’t care about it, move on.

Step 3: take action

Now, the items that are still on your list: go find a mentor, a coach, an online training, someone that can teach you what you need to learn.

It can be about love, like with me. It can be about making more money. Or create better health, lose those 15lbs. Or just to feel more confident in groups. Doing a talk or presentation. Becoming a leader of a team. Knowing what your real calling is in this world, your happiness, really, it can be about ANYTHING.

Just know, when you identified this, it’s time to take action. Don’t settle for the inconvenience of insecurity. You CAN learn this stuff.

It’s how I did it myself. Created an abundant love life; I lost those 15lbs, started my own company, ran 10km regularly, did a TEDx talk, and so much more awesome stuff. Just because I took the step to NOT ACCEPT that present situation.

I want to have a large comfort zone. So I always know where to go if I want to feel good. And it does feels good to be confident. I can tell you that!

If you need any help with any of these areas, that’s what we do here. So feel free to schedule a call with me to discover what it is that’s holding you back from achieving what you want in life, okay? I’ll be at your service!

How to change your (negative) state
Post C-19 Paradigm Shift in Leadership

Leave a Reply